Process Work

Truth is Master

I believe that the plain truth is the key to self mastery. Once all the layers of sugar coating and lies are gone, one can truly start living with one’s self. Every year people make New Year’s resolutions that inevitably fall through. This is because they don’t believe that their problem that they are trying to fix is serious enough.

This past summer I was over at my friend’s house and we were sitting down at her dining room table and she asked me about her latest “late night adventures”. I told her flat out that I thought she was way out of line and was being stupid about everything that she was doing because her other “friends” were just using her. Well this seemed to upset her a lot and after I was done talking she promptly left and went to her room. A few days after that day, I was back over at her house hanging out with her brother, and she came and talked to me. She said that what I had told her really hurt her feelings and made her feel bad about herself, but after she got control of her emotions is caused her to start thinking. She said that everything I told her was completely true and she had never really seen it that way until I had told her. She then wanted to stop doing all these bad things and become a better person. She thanked me for being so blunt about what I had told her because it caused her to open her eyes to what was really going on.

This is just one example I have for situations just like this. I believe that being brutally honest about things is one of the few ways you can open people’s eyes to things. When people ask me for my opinion on things I tell them exactly how it is, no sugar coat, and I would want them to do the very same thing for me. If something is wrong I would want someone to tell me that I’m being stupid or that’s wrong.

I think that people need to be told when they are doing something wrong. I know that whenever I do something I do it how I think it should be done, but if someone knows that it should be done a different way, well by all means please come and tell me so. People think that what they do is right, but if they’re wrong they need someone to tell them so, otherwise they’re going to keep doing it wrong.

Like my engineering professor says, “No one wants to hear that their baby is ugly, but sometimes they need to know that their baby is ugly.”  Now I’m not saying actually go tell a new mother that her baby is ugly, that’s a suicide mission! But if you see someone who has an unhealthy habit, maybe they don’t see it as such and need someone to tell them the honest to goodness truth.

Reflection 1

This was my first draft of the This I Believe; I really didn’t know how well this draft was going to be but I tried not to sound arrogant but I don’t think I did too good of a job doing that. It was just the first draft thought so it was mostly just getting it down on paper.

Truth comes First

I believe that the plain truth is needed before someone can fix something. Once all the layers of sugar coating and lies are gone, you can actually get to the dirty work of fixing a problem.

This past summer I was over at my friend’s house and we were sitting down at her dining room table talking about her latest “adventures” with her friends that I wouldn’t consider to be good people. I told her flat out that I thought she was out of line and was being stupid about everything that she was doing because her other “friends” were just using her. Well this seemed to upset her a lot and after I was done talking she promptly left and went to her room.

A few days later I was back over at her house, and she came and talked to me. She said that what I had told her really hurt her feelings and made her feel bad about herself, but after she had calmed down, she started thinking about it. She said that everything I told her was completely true and she had never really seen it that way until I had told her. She thanked me for being so blunt with her because it caused her to open her eyes to what was really going on, and now wanted to work on fixing it.

This is just one example I have for situations just like this. I believe that being brutally honest about things is one of the best ways you can open people’s eyes to things. When people ask me for my opinion on things I tell them exactly how it is, and I would want them to do the very same thing for me. If something I’m doing is wrong I would want someone to tell me that that I am.

I know that when I do something, I do it how I think it should be done. Although, if someone knows that it should be done a different way, then I would be fine with hearing their ideas on how to make it, or to be, better. Our brains are programmed to do what it thinks is right. If it’s doing something wrong then it need something to tell them that, otherwise it’s going to keep doing it wrong.

Like my engineering professor says, “No one wants to hear that their baby is ugly, but sometimes they need to be told.”  Now I’m not saying actually go tell a new mother that her baby is ugly, that’s a suicide mission! But if someone has an unhealthy habit, then maybe they don’t realize it, and need someone to tell them the truth about it. I know that without my friends telling me the plain truth and bringing me back to Earth, I’d be a totally different.

Reflection 2

This is my second draft I started to work on the language a little bit more trying to make it a lot less condescending and a how to live paper, and turning it into a personal experience paper.

Listen to advice

I believe that the plain truth is needed before someone can fix something. Once all the layers of sugar coating and lies are gone, you can actually get to the dirty work of fixing whatever problem that was being ignored.

A few years ago I decided that I wanted to play soccer for a U14 team in the league nearby, because I was still young enough to play in that division. So I signed up for a team, but it wasn’t long after that, that I realized that the guys I was playing with were above my caliber, even thought they were younger than me. At first this made me pretty upset because I didn’t know why my team mates were so much better than me, and I felt like I didn’t fit in. At first I looked at my teammates with resentment because of this.

 I’m pretty sure my coach saw this because he came and talked me before our first game. He was worried that I was having problems with the team and wanted to know what was wrong. So I told him that I didn’t fit in because everyone was better than me. Then he told me the honest truth, he told me that yes, I didn’t fit in, but that it wasn’t because the other guys were better than me, it was because I was the first new guy on the team in four years, and that I haven’t found my place yet. So, taking all of his advice into account I started trying to be friends with everyone, and I did eventually find my place on the team and even became a captain at the end of the session.

Thanks to my coach I found out that I was wrong, and afterwards I was able to change how I acted so that I could fix my situation. Sometimes I think we all jump to conclusions and get stuff messed up in our brains. Sometimes these mix ups can cause a lot of damage. I know if I had stayed stuck in my way of thinking, then my whole experience with that new team could have been dramatically different. Because I had a coach who came and talked to me and told me what my problem Really was, I was able to turn a bad experience into a great memory of a session that I really enjoyed.

I think that sometimes everyone needs that one person in their life that can bring them back to Earth and tell them how it really is because sometimes we all see things in the wrong light. It’s those people in our life that help us get past all the little stuff that we see and turn our focus onto the real problem. So now I am coming to understand that sometimes when people criticism us that it’s not always bad, sometimes people are just trying to set our sights on the right problem.

Reflection 3

So after so many failed attempts to try and make the paper less condescending and forceful I just decided to change the whole thing and start over. I personally think this draft isn’t as meaningful as the ones before it but it focuses more on my personal experience and less on how I think others should live, and that’s what was wanted I guess.